if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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