I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
