I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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