ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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