Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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