Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
