i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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