I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
