I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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