Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
