We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
What a dumb baby whore.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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