You just made me feel so damn special
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
