i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
