I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
