walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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