You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
