I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
