New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
