It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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