You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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