No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
