sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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