That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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