In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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