and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
