Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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