dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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