I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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