i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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