I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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