Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
