I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
