Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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