You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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