We're facebook friends in real life
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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