I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
