I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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