Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
