Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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