guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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