So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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