last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
