I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
did you just send me my own nude
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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