Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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