your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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