she woke up with a sticky ear
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
