When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
