so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
