Christians are straight up FREAKS
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
