it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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