Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
