dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
