Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
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And the cops told us we were all naked.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
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I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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