if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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