I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
