Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
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