He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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