I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
