Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
