So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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