genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
