I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
