Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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