OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
